I forgot to love my present; And the present forgot me

Before, I learnt to live in present;

The present just went by, quietly;

The numbness of the future came

It had to come eventually, one day...

Now I sit back and remember my past

The past that had to be lovely, I guess,

I loved in it

Just to make sure time is not going unnoticed...

Dont give them the name of poems, sad verses, thoughts or any other thing you read here...
They r there just because they wanted to come out of me, to free themselves and the breath alone on their own,
I do still have a relation with them. All of them. How can one have no relation with his soul.
Yes, its my soul this time you are reading, that just peeped out from an old dungeon... dont worry, it has seem a lot of dark things, so values light more than u... here it goes....

These are about my mom's womb.. yups me inside...

** Dark but I don't fear, thr is no time bound, no worries
** No air to breath, I don't need it, i don't cry here, eyes not came yet
** Little wet touches I feel on new skin, little noises I hear now and then
** My little random moves, all uncouth "I donno" y..
** This is the only real "I donno" because the worldly thinking not learned yet

** यहाँ काफ़ी दबा हूँ , पर दम नही घुट रहा , नही चाहता बाहर आना ; आज़ादी मे पता है , दम घुटेगा
** काफ़ी अँधेरा भी है यहाँ , पर डर नही लगता , सो कोशिश भी नही करता बाहर आने की। किसे पता उजाला ही डरा दे । सुना है वहाँ रौशनी ज्यादा होती है , मुझे तो खुशी चाहिए , रौशनी नही ।

---------------------------------------

Sry I haven't written it, kaash likhi hoti

Kahin to.. kahin to
Hogi wo,
Duniya jahan tu mere saath hai..

Jahan mein, jahan tu,
Aur jahan, bass tere mere jazbaat hai,
Hogi jahan subah teri,
Palko ki, kirano mein,
Lori jahan chand ki,
Sune teri baahoin mein..

(Jaane naa kahan wo duniya hai,
Jaane naa wo hai bhi ya nahi,
Jahan meri zindagi mujhse,
Itni khafa nahi..) - 2

Saasein kho gayi hai kiski aahon mein,
Mein kho gayi hu jaane kiski baahon mein,
Manzilon se raahein doodhti chali,
Kho gayi hai manzil kahin rahon mein..

Kahin to, kahin to,
Hai nasha..
Teri meri har mulaqaat mein,
Hoton se, hoton ko,
Chumti, o rehte hai hum har baat pe,
Kehti hai fiza jahan,
Teri zamin aasmaan..

Jahan hai tu, meri hassi,
Meri khushi, meri jaan…

(Jaane naa kahan wo duniya hai,
Jaane naa wo hai bhi ya nahi,
Jahan meri zindagi mujhse,
Itni khafa nahi..) - 3

Epilogue

While in the last seconds, I remember those 3 sequels, long woven by me will change. The past, the present and the future.
Those last seconds reminds that there is no future anymore. Its just the past; I thought was lost long before, will speak for me.

Silence before I walked in, silence once again after I'll walk out...
So my story ends, and a poem takes birth...

Lets begin again...Could I or should I ??

Not at all the day was silent but me

those green screens, that scented corridor

From where I passed a week before, or two may be

checking my watch; it was my office time

Unknown I went straight, Dr. Roger, my old school mate

Checked my pulse, the heart and eyes

I said “Beating as ever”, and giggled

never knew, that my smiles too, someone was counting

Life changed that day, nah, it’s not life any more

from that day on, I am lying on this bed,

Looking at the dotted sky, birds flying like my thoughts,

hearing those birds, meeting those whom I longed to meet

Two weeks passed, met many old and new

today, no one here but she; the loveliest I knew

I never spoke of pain even to the closest of my pals

today its hard time to keep calm, warm breaths when keep sinking low

Senses; now I started loosing ‘em all

that chirp going silent; light, slowly fading

Nerves loosing their hold over skin

skin, that too getting colder now I guess

“You will get well” few of the words I heard from her

I saw her last time, I guess to see her looking at me; and that is love

To keep her memories forever; forever though going to end soon

Alas, the last breath came out, it’s little longer than the rest…

Silence crept in. silence of death, no different than any other who died. Only difference is that I lt it just once, wont say in my life time, but yaa, at the time to leave behind the smallest thing I ever won.

The time when money ends, friendship ends, relationships break and yes, love too parts away. Love, the word that kept me wondering for long in this life.

Just for pleasing me, I babbled “Will surely meet you again, in some other world” be it a snow flake in your hand, or a fallen winter leaf when you walk along in your garden. Wont’ be able to live long in that world too, but will hope that those moments will come again and again.

I will dream again of you, as snow or as a dried leaf, the day when I’ll come back. Again a snow will fall in love with those light brown eyes; a sunken dry leaf will again see you that day, hoping somethings will still be left to share.

Do feel it that time please… at least for a few moments more…a few moments early

Do hold me that day, the way I held you few years back… You remember right!!!

Long live the beating hearts

Long live thy blooming flowers

Long live the candles’ flame

Long live love; well that’s the game…

Shaded Love, Rusted roots

Walking adrift by a silent street,

crushing roadside leaves, that came

Thought how different we are from trees

they all silent, but we have that flame

Just that very moment, I crossed a graveyard

seemed like its silence, was screaming to be heard

I stopped and went inside, on the way I saw

an old grave, a verdant tree and a singing cuckoo bird

That stone on that grave, unsoiled by the wind

I went near to read the stone

“Mary 1917- 1955” etched on the top

and indeed the majestic tree where the sun shone

That tree was huge, giving shade to Mary

as if Jesus, to his resting mother

He shakes himself, to fly away the birds

so that she sleeps, and no one to bother

Unseen, unnatural was that love I saw

the loyalty of a son, for his mother below

One on which he grew so tall

who nurtured him, from a seed so small

Next day, I went past that yard

Thought to see again, what love really is

Went inside, but now was numbed

The officials cut that tree or killed it, last night

The one, succumbed to the killers

Mary is alone now, almost like me

I thought “How different I am from her?”

Stoic, we both were, but I moved

I knew, I was dead already…

The Killers and their demonic symphony

Saw a child crying, searching for the eyes

Who once, loved her, prayed for her life

Crying on a pavement, watching a mob

Big red eyes, hers with cries, others with fury

The scream, waiting to be heard

Some wait to be heard for ever

They don’t go quite, they go damped

Dry are their dreams, drier are the hopes

They say He will come, one day

So what! Sun indeed never sets forever

They say He will come, cure us all

So what! Pain indeed cures its ownself

Part II

Those eyes, half closed, moist

A drop inside,

Ready to form a pearl, the purest of all

Ready to roll down, on those

Snow-white cheeks

Those drops were there, I know

Strong held from long time, infinite time I guess

But had to come out,

When gods cry, why cant she...

The little girl, still searching for life

Still searching Him, for help

"He was crying", she looked

Sobbing kid, almost silent with the lost girlishness

Looking at the mob, He sat with the girl

A bad time for Him, or for her…

My creator; or my sufferer